This ain’t SeaWorld, this is real as it gets…

So I finished up Resident Evil 5 a couple of days back.  Being a big fan of its predecessor I had been really looking forward to this title and it really didn’t disappoint.  While I don’t think that it was quite a scary as previous titles in the series I think that it definitely came up to scratch in terms of setting.  The African backdrop is superb and had my characters fighting back the bio-threat everywhere from shanty settlements to tribal marshlands and from ravaged oil fields to ancient temples.  I have to say, however, that I had such a laugh to myself when the last chapter struck up.  In Chapter 6 I didn’t think to myself “hey, I’m in a humble market town” or even “gee, I’m in some ritualistic sacrificial ground…” No, in the final part of the game only one thought crossed my mind…

Sadly, while on said boat and despite the lack of ammo, I couldn’t swap out my shotgun and magnum for my swim trunks and my flippy-floppies.  Is it too much to hope for some downloadable content which adds a T-Pain costume to Chris Redfield’s repertoire?  Now, you see, you’re laughing but I don’t know, I reckon it could work…

In other news, the Dungeons and Dragons campaign which I had re-joined a couple of weeks back continued tonight.  I set off to join my fellow intrepid adventures with (finally) some kind of character concept in my head.  I mean obviously I’ve been playing a bard, like I mentioned in the last D&D-centric post, but it’s nice to know where you eventually want to end up with your character.  I now figure that Laurie, my character, is going to become a kind of specialist thief.  He can use his keen wits and experience in speechcraft to worm his way into places he’d otherwise never get and then use a combination of acrobatics, dexterity, stealth and magic to acquire valuables.  We leveled up tonight which basically means that all our characters got better at what they do.  I chose to make my level count a lot more towards the acrobatic side of my character making him an expert at jumping and tumbling as well as bolstering his stealthy attributes like his ability to hide and move silently.  I’m never going to be as good an unaided thief as the like of a rogue would be but Laurie will have the edge when it comes to his magic; eventually being able to make himself invisible or teleport out of sticky situations and the such.

Nevertheless, with my new found acrobatics in tow I re-joined my party where we had left off the last time.  In truth, the tornado stunt didn’t really help and we ended up in our targeted building (where, if you’ll recall, our two man quarry were holding up), in a tight corridor facing off against tens of enemies.  Indeed, our cunning plans had somewhat back-fired and our notions of funnelling the enemies through the narrow space soon resulted in we, the bottleneck-ers, quickly becoming the bottleneck-ees.  This glitch in our plan resulted in the death of one of my companions and his player facing the dreaded reroll (having to make a new character).  In the heat of the combat which continued Laurie had little time to think about the death of his friend but, no doubt, in the respite which followed, the humble human troubadour would have taken time to compose a short lament for the dwarf named Loken.

The Unfortunate Tale of the Dwarven Barbarian

Bravest Loken, that fighter fair

He sure did have a lot of hair.

As sure in life as now in death,

The smell of ale hung on his breath.

But he died well, with axe in hand

In the path of danger he did stand.

Defiance was his battle cry

His only choice? To fight or die.

His final moments, fought he well

Until death tolled it’s darkest knell.

But death, alone? No fitting end

Brave Loken died next to a friend.

Side by side, he and Relgore

That’s the half-orc, didn’t I mention that before?

And even as his lights grew dim

That half-orc had a taste for him.

To bravest Loken we bid farewell

Your full-plate armour we did sell.

It netted us two thousand gold

Fair tribute to our friend of old.

As we battled on through those the enemies in that building which became Loken’s tomb we found ourselves now engaging not only a mixture of both weak and powerful melee combatants but also a quartet of archers on a balcony.  With the rest of the party now indisposed and Laurie’s compendium of spells all but exhausted I found myself turning to my newly acquired acrobatic ability.  In fact the next six words uttered struck more fear into my party than the spilling of Loken’s blood as I stepped up to the plate saying “Listen guys, I’ve got a plan.”

What was this daring plan?  To dart across the room, jump onto the balcony and engage the archers keeping them distracted for a round or two.  Some would say that for a lightly armoured bard with next to no hit points to do such a thing would be all but foolhardy.

Me?  I’d call it brave.

This plan of epic proportion left the party completely stunned and re-appropriating Penny Arcade’s Gabe in asking

Can Laurie leap onto a balcony and attack four archers before tumbling back down to safety…?

 

… Hell yea he can!